Welcome to Defending Grace.

I never thought I’d be in this situation, and certainly not with an entire website devoted to it. But it feels so important to share our story, and to do so right now.

My husband, Jim, and I had to end our desperately wanted pregnancy at 21 weeks, 5 days, on November 23, 2016.

After extensively exploring adoption and pursuing multiple in vitro and frozen embryo transfers attempts, we finally became pregnant with our daughter, Grace Pearl in July 2016. But at Grace’s routine anatomy scan, we learned she had a terminal disease that would 100% be fatal, according to three independent doctors. My own risk was going to go up sevenfold (which is something I'll do a blog post on soon).

Out of all of the horrible options, we chose the one that felt like the only one for us: to terminate the pregnancy at 21 weeks, 5 days, and spare Grace the agony of birth without functioning lungs or kidneys.

Unfortunately, our situation isn’t that rare; it just feels like it is because so many people are afraid to tell their stories about ending wanted pregnancies.

Terminating a pregnancy is one of the most divisive topics in our political landscape today, and with good reason: it's one of the most gray-area issues there is. But a lot of people want to treat it like it’s a black and white issue. It simply can't be though - people confuse strong feelings with absolute truths. No one loves the idea of an abortion, and I truly understand where many pro-life people are coming from, but no one wants a child that has a terminal disease to needlessly suffer either - it's important to be pro-GOOD life.  The best path forward for all of us is to stop discussing laws in such absolute ways.

I would love for this website to be a place where we can discuss these gray areas in kind, non-confrontational, respectful ways. To do so, please visit our blog here. I believe that most people are truly doing the best they can with the information they have. I hope that this site can help provide information that helps all of us make the best decisions we can with this incredibly difficult life situation, and to support one another with compassion and understanding.

One of the definitions of Grace is: mercy, clemency, pardon. While it tends to have religious connotations, we believe that the word can also be designated to the grace given by a parent to a child, and of allowing them to pass with the least suffering possible.

We believe it must also be for the grace we can give ourselves and others for the hard choices we sometimes face – choices with unthinkable options that don’t allow us to avoid picking one just because we hate them, and for doing the best we can with the information, love, and compassion we have.

Defending Grace is dedicated to talking about those gray areas with an open mind and compassion and to sharing these stories that are talked about less, and the anguish that families like ours face.

Want to share your story about ending a wanted pregnancy? Please contact me. You're not alone and you deserve support, compassion, and any guidance we can offer.


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