Today is the 2 year anniversary of saying goodbye to Grace Pearl.
So much has happened in 2 years. Many of them are very, very good things. We’re so grateful to be pregnant again (29 weeks!) and are so hopeful that things will continue to go well with this pregnancy. It hasn’t been without its scares (and we are now high risk and receiving weekly monitoring), but overall, things are looking good.
And I miss Grace terribly. I wish she was here with us. I feel so terribly for her awful fate and that she never got to live the life she deserved to have and live. The unfairness of it all hits me especially at this time of year, with all of the anniversaries intermingled with Thanksgiving.
There are four big anniversaries around this time of year. November 17th is when we learned about her fatal diagnosis. The 18th is when we signed the horrible consents. The 22nd is when we had a dance party to say goodbye to her. And the 23rd, today, is when we terminated the pregnancy to spare her inevitable pain and agony.
It’s so strange to be joyously pregnant while going through these anniversaries, but it’s also how real life is for me. I’m so sad, but also so grateful at the same time.
Coincidentally, some of my very dearest friends (including the ones that did puzzles with me right after we learned about Grace’s disease) and my mom hosted a shower for our current pregnancy on the 17th. I couldn’t think of a more fitting way to spend that day and honor the intermingling of these circumstances, and I was SO HAPPY. My friends put out a memorial to Grace that made me start to cry, and I was able to thank 30 of my closest friends and family for being with us through these dramatically different seasons and circumstances of life. 30 people that care this much about us, and Grace, and this upcoming baby girl. How amazingly lucky are we?
So I’m spending this Thanksgiving season full of gratitude and sadness. I will take it over the pure sadness the past few years brought. Grace will never, ever be forgotten, as my friends and family so tenderly and lovingly reassured me. But I’m grateful that I haven’t lost my ability to feel the pure joy of anticipation too. This little one deserves that, and boy, did people deliver. I have a lot to be thankful for this year.