I write a lot about sad anniversaries on here. Especially at this time of year when we are hitting the anniversaries around losing Grace.
But a conversation with a friend prompted me to confirm that today is a really happy anniversary. 10 years ago, Jim and I had our first kiss.
We’d known each other for nearly a year via friends, and kept seeing each other every few months. By the time I saw him in August of 2008, I was developing a crush on him. I loved how quietly confident he was, and how passionate he was about his interests (music, biking, fun adventures). We saw each other at the wedding of mutual friends in early November 2008, and my crush was solidified.
We started emailing each other about an event we decided to work on together, and by late November, I was looking forward to each email, knowing he’d say something new that I found refreshing, affirming and interesting.
I went out to meet a mutual friend Thanksgiving evening in 2008, and mentioned Jim had emailed me. She said we should invite him out to join us, which he did, and after we all hung out for awhile, we walked her to her car, and then he walked me to mine. Except I didn’t get into it. We stood out on an unseasonably warm Thanksgiving, talking for hours. And suddenly, we were kissing.
I loved that Jim said he was going to call me the next day, even though I said I wasn’t free. He did anyway. And the next day. We went on our official first date a week later.
Today is the 10 year anniversary of that first kiss. And today, after everything we’ve been through together - dating, getting married, family health problems, our own health problems, 6 years of fighting infertility, a miscarriage, Grace’s diagnosis and the subsequent decision to terminate the pregnancy and everything we went through there… I’m more in love with him than ever. It’s cliché, but true. I enjoy Jim immensely, and can’t wait to see what kind of dad he’ll be…. but I have a hint. When I was pregnant with Grace, I once asked him what he thought about when becoming a father. I said I worried about finances, and her nursery, daycare and what to name her. Jim replied that he just thought about loving her. Having her in a baby carrier while at the grocery store. Teaching her about music. Enjoying her.
My heart nearly exploded out of my chest. How lucky was I? And how lucky was Grace to have a dad that loved her so much - so much that a few months later, he’d choose with me to spare her immense pain and take the hurt on himself instead. And how lucky is Grace’s sister now?
I’m looking forward to the next 10 years.