Our First Christmas Eve with a Living Child

Today, as a little Christmas gift of sorts, Hannah learned how to clap and army crawl. We are filled with wonder every day as we watch her learn and grow.

And of course, we miss her sister and wonder so many what ifs, even though we'd make the same decision over and over again if we were faced with it. We wish she hadn't been sick.

And as people with infertility, we are acutely aware that there are so many people out there still longing for their families to grow.

We said goodbye to Grace right before Thanksgiving 3 years ago, and are also acutely aware of how hard holidays can be. We have future years that will likely be very very hard for us, after we say goodbye to our parents, for instance. A few friends are facing their first holidays without their fathers this year and it's utterly heartbreaking.

But for us, after 6 years if trying, this holiday season is overwhelmingly a good one, and we are so, so grateful.

Whatever you celebrate (our own beliefs have shifted a lot over the past few years), we hope you feel at least a little love and peace.

She is here!

Trying to become a parent to a living child has taken us on such a roller coaster of experiences and feelings over the years. Through the total of 6 years of infertility, 3 rounds of IVF, 6 embryo transfers, the miscarriage, and Grace Pearl… we have had more emotions than I thought a person could have.

And after all of those plans, and changes to those plans. and all of the time we spent adjusting and celebrating and hoping and hurting and mourning… this is a post that I feared I’d never, ever get to make. And hoped - so much - I’d get to.

I can’t believe that it’s taken me a month to make it, but to be honest, we’ve been soaking up every single moment of that month with our brand new baby girl. She’s a month old today.

She is here, and she’s everything. Everything we ever hoped for, dreamed of, and wished for. Everything we’ve worked for and waited for. Just everything. We love her so, so much.

Friends, meet Hannah.

We named her Hannah as a tribute to her sister. Hannah means full of grace in Hebrew.

I can hardly believe she’s real, and ours, and how fast she’s already growing and changing.

For once, additional words elude me. I am so, so happy. I love her so much.

So we’ll be back. We’re not going anywhere. But as we deal with the intense stuff going on in the world around us, and everything we’ve been through and this new change, we also want to let it all wash over us and take a moment to celebrate and simply enjoy.

We want to take every available second to get to know Hannah, our little gift that we were never sure we’d get. This has been a long, long time coming.