New Op-Ed: Any abortion initiative on Missouri ballot must end political interference in medical care

It’s likely that you’ve seen a lot of news around abortion ballot initiatives that have been put in front of voters, allowing them to vote on abortion access protections. Abortion rights have been supported resoundingly in states like Michigan, Kansas and most recently Ohio. They are being pursued in other state like Missouri, Arizona and my home state: Missouri. These aren’t all straightforward however, and I've wrestled with what to say and to what extent.

At the end of the day, I would want to show Grace Pearl I fought for her as hard as I could. I want to be able to show my living daughter the same.

I realized that I wasn’t going to go wrong standing up for myself and the many other later abortion seekers who are being left out of all but one versions of these initiatives in favor of a potential “compromise” in the form of a viability ban with politicians who have shown us again and again that they will abuse their power any chance they get to control pregnant people.

And Katie Cox out of Texas offers a heartbreaking look into how abortion ban exceptions don’t work, and how cruel and devastating the outcomes are.

Any abortion initiative must fully and completely remove politicians and their appointees from Missourians’ healthcare.

I encourage anyone volunteering to gather signatures for these efforts to ensure they understand which version they are working for. They are not all created equally.

You can read more at this link in the Missouri Independent, or below.


Any abortion initiative on Missouri ballot must end political interference in medical care

The overturning of Roe vs Wade last year has created massive fallout, with abortion-rights advocates scrambling to react.

Voters in states like Kansas, Michigan and most recently Ohio have resoundingly supported ballot initiatives to protect abortion rights in their constitutions. Similar initiatives are being pursued in Florida, Arizona and my home state of Missouri. However they all have a troubling commonality: The attempt to reinstate Roe, a framework deemed insufficient by the very reproductive justice leaders now pushing these ballot initiatives.

I understand the results of political “compromise” on abortion all too well.

In 2016, I was in the 2nd trimester of a pregnancy I had deeply hoped for after expensive, physically demanding fertility treatments. But then we learned the new, devastating information that our baby had a fatal fetal condition. Given all of the information we had, and with counsel from an excellent medical team, we made the heartbreaking decision to terminate the pregnancy.

But then we learned we were fast approaching Missouri’s abortion ban, which at the time was 22 weeks. I also had to sign judgmental and biased non-medical consents and wait 72 hours to receive necessary medical care.

The weight of Missouri’s callous disregard for the complications of pregnancy, or my health and safety, felt heavy. I felt judged, stigmatized and disregarded. And this was all under the “protections” of Roe.

After my experience, I felt called to step into abortion-rights advocacy. I have shared my story at all levels of government and I joined local advocacy efforts in an effort to reduce stigma and create better policy.

Recently The Moth reshared a storytelling event where I told my whole story. To date, it has been viewed 1.5 million times. So I am confident my story has changed the hearts and minds of a lot of people and I’m grateful that I’ve been able to find some light from what was the darkest experience of my life.

However, my disappointment lies in how progressive advocates, Democrats and citizens often exploit stories like mine for fundraising and awareness but dismiss us when it comes to shaping crucial policies — especially with abortion being more popular than ever.

This hypocrisy reveals a disheartening betrayal of trust and a glaring disconnect between advocacy and genuine empowerment.

Missouri’s reproductive-rights advocates are currently championing ballot language that permits state interference post-arbitrary “viability” limits, which are medically inaccurate, dismiss individual circumstances like my own, and let politicians continue to tamper with our healthcare decisions.

Amid these initiatives, only one version stands as a “clean” solution, genuinely removing state entities from our reproductive rights. Advocates must focus on advancing this version exclusively, or, alternatively, clearly articulate a realistic plan to address the shortcomings of other versions, whether it be TRAP laws that would remain intact or people like me that would be left behind entirely.

Likewise, it’s crucial for those volunteering to collect signatures in support of a pro-abortion ballot initiative to be mindful of the diverse ballot language options — they are not all created equally. They should ensure they understand whether the final wording includes significant elements, such as abortion bans based on viability limits. These viability limits can and will be exploited by anti-abortion politicians.

In Ohio, GOP officials are already floating the unsubstantiated idea that viability starts at 15 weeks immediately after the resounding win for abortion rights.

The political landscape in Missouri, driven by the anti-abortion movement and powerful figures like Secretary of State Jay Ashcroft, gives us every reason to expect subversion of democracy and legal standards. Even when Roe was intact, abortion was practically inaccessible in Missouri. If a constitutional ballot is to be pursued, it must robustly protect the reproductive healthcare choices of Missourians from unreliable and undemocratic politicians.

We all know that when the pro-abortion majority gives a little, the anti-abortion minority takes all.

If Missouri’s stark reality isn’t compelling enough, cast a wider lens to witness the harrowing repercussions of politicians meddling in abortion access across multiple states.

Look to Texas: Kate Cox’s wrenching ordeal forced her to flee her own state, denied the right to terminate her wanted pregnancy after a fatal fetal diagnosis very similar to my own experience. Meanwhile, in Ohio, Brittany Watts faces a felony charge of abusing a corpse following a miscarriage at 22 weeks.

These distressing stories underscore the perilous outcomes when politicians dictate reproductive rights, inflicting anguish, injustice and severe harm upon individuals seeking autonomy over their own bodies.

History, and the present moment, demand a singular path forward — one of expansive protections rooted in science as well as the health, safety and dignity of all Missourians. Crucially, this includes abortion protections that entirely exclude elected officials from healthcare decisions, especially those concerning abortion care.

As someone who experienced firsthand the interference of state politicians in medical access and care, I stand far from alone. Urgency, despondency, and outrage have fueled my advocacy, but the solution does not lie in enshrining broken policies that leave behind those disproportionately impacted by abortion bans.

Missouri’s abortion patients and voters deserve better — a future where reproductive justice is not just a concept, but a lived reality.

Seven Years Ago, We Said Goodbye to Grace Pearl

Today marks the 7th anniversary since Jim and I said goodbye to Grace Pearl. I never imagined I'd be the type of person to commemorate such a loss for so long, however, that notion was born from a place untouched by the harsh reality of such a profound loss. The ache in our hearts persists every year, intensified by the anniversaries surrounding Thanksgiving, spanning from the devastating diagnosis to the procedure. These days are inextricably linked, weaving a tapestry of remembrance, sadness, and reflection.

In the aftermath of our goodbye, life has continued its forward march, adorned with the joy and challenges that come with raising our sunbeam, Hannah. Yet, the significance of this day doesn't diminish. It's a somber reminder of the intricacies embedded in the journey of loss and resilience. As we glance back over the years, we find ourselves amazed at the strength that allowed us to navigate the darkest corners of our emotions and the love that still radiates for the daughter who touched our lives so briefly. Grace's absence is palpable, but her memory is a testament to the enduring impact of her life, no matter how fleeting.

As we navigate the intricate terrain of the seventh anniversary of our goodbye, the enduring love for our daughter remains steadfast. Grace's memory, though brief, continues to shape our lives profoundly. Thank you to everyone who honors her with us, year after year, and has made room for her (and us) in your heart. It is one of the things that I am most thankful for.

Honoring Grace Pearl: A Dance Party Tradition, Seven Years On

Seven years ago tonight, my husband Jim and I held a dance party, not to celebrate, but to say our goodbyes to Grace Pearl.

The idea for our dance party came from a simple question I asked Jim the night before we were scheduled to say goodbye to Grace: How would he like to say goodbye to her? His answer was to create a playlist of songs he had always wanted to share with her before a fatal fetal diagnosis prompted us to decide to terminate our desperately wanted pregnancy. In our pajamas, surrounded by the soft glow of candles, we embraced the darkness and danced to the rhythm of the songs that became a soundtrack to our memories.

I shared this experience on The Moth at the 14:10 minute point.

Tonight marks the seventh anniversary of Grace's dance party, a night that has become a cherished tradition for us. Each year, we listen to the playlist and receive messages from friends across the globe, joining us in this intimate memory and celebration. Their virtual presence helps us feel connected, less alone, and reassures us that Grace is not forgotten. It means the world to us.

If you'd like to join us in honoring Grace tonight, consider listening with us and lighting a candle in her memory. As we enter the seventh year of our dance party tradition, your participation, even from afar, contributes to the warmth and love these songs bring to our hearts, celebrating the beautiful, albeit brief, existence of Grace Pearl.

Grace's Dance Party Playlist

The Beach Boys - God Only Knows

The Beatles - Twist And Shout

The Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive

Blondie - Atomic

Chuck Berry - You Never Can Tell

Sam Cooke - Nothing Can Change This Love

The Doobie Brothers - What A Fool Believes

Earth, Wind & Fire – September

Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way

The Four Tops - I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch)

Marvin Gaye - Got To Give It Up, Part 1(Single Version)

Al Green - I'm Still In Love With You

Al Green - Let's Stay Together 

The Hollies - Bus Stop

Michael Jackson - Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough (Single Version)

The Jackson 5 - ABC

KC & The Sunshine Band - Get Down Tonight (Single Version)

Kenny Loggins - Footloose

Little River Band - Lady

MFSB - T.S.O.P. (The Sound Of Philadelphia)

Olivia Newton-John/John Travolta - You're The One That I Want

The O'Jays - Love Train

Otis Redding - (Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay

The Rolling Stones - Let's Spend The Night Together

The Rolling Stones - Brown Sugar

Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run 

Warpaint - New Song

Stevie Wonder - I Was Made To Love Her

Stevie Wonder – Superstition

Neil Young – Harvest Moon

Updates and Upcoming: Australian Broadcasting Corporation's "Foreign Correspondent."

Hi everyone. I apologize for the lack of updates to this site - life has just been so hard and overwhelming this past year and a half, hasn’t it? My little family is as well as can be, all considered, and we are grateful that we have been able to stay healthy in the midst of Covid. We’ve been trying to soak up time with each other and enjoy every second of Hannah. She’s two and a half now, and best summed up with the phrase: abundant sunshine. 

IMG_8922.JPG

While I haven’t been updating here, I have been as diligent and focused on fighting for Grace as ever: I have told my story countless times. I have presented advice to OB-GYNs and other medical professionals as to how they can improve abortion patients’ experiences as part of a NASPOG panel. I have submitted testimony to the legislature numerous times. I have helped others process their own experiences and tell their own stories.

In regards to media, on 8/5, Australian Broadcasting Corporation’s Foreign Correspondent will be airing an episode focused on abortion laws and access in the United States, and the overall many threats to abortion that are happening here. St. Louis, Missouri (where I live) serving as the representative of the entire United States: one state (Missouri) with a dire lack of abortion access, nonsensical and draconian laws, and an ever-growing threat that these hits will keep coming; and another state (Illinois), just across the river, where reproductive rights have been protected and codified into law. 

I am part of the story, and share the experience of learning about Grace’s disease, how we made the decision to end the pregnancy, the difficulties we encountered while obtaining our abortion, and what it has been like becoming an advocate for reproductive rights.

I’ll post again here as soon as I have a link to the full story.



Our First Christmas Eve with a Living Child

Today, as a little Christmas gift of sorts, Hannah learned how to clap and army crawl. We are filled with wonder every day as we watch her learn and grow.

And of course, we miss her sister and wonder so many what ifs, even though we'd make the same decision over and over again if we were faced with it. We wish she hadn't been sick.

And as people with infertility, we are acutely aware that there are so many people out there still longing for their families to grow.

We said goodbye to Grace right before Thanksgiving 3 years ago, and are also acutely aware of how hard holidays can be. We have future years that will likely be very very hard for us, after we say goodbye to our parents, for instance. A few friends are facing their first holidays without their fathers this year and it's utterly heartbreaking.

But for us, after 6 years if trying, this holiday season is overwhelmingly a good one, and we are so, so grateful.

Whatever you celebrate (our own beliefs have shifted a lot over the past few years), we hope you feel at least a little love and peace.

IMG_20191224_220709_800.jpg